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Author: XO_stepdad Subject: My story

Posts: 1
Registered: 09-23-2009

posted on 09-23-2009 at 10:22 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
My story

Hello everyone. I am a 35 year old recently divorced man. My story is I’m sure the same as a lot of yours but I would like to share my experience and possibly seek some advice. When I was 19 I decided that I wanted to be a Pastor of non-denominational Christianity. I was born into a very religious background and after some sinful experimenting in my early teens I decided to turn my life over to God. I then moved from Baton Rouge, Louisiana to Oklahoma to attend Rhema Bible College. During my time at Rhema I was decently popular with women. Being a Christian man I went out on dates but I remained pure with my intentions in every aspect of my dating experiences. After my freshman year in college I ended up meeting a woman that in my opinion was everything I could have ever hoped for. She was passionate about Christ and was studying to be a praise and worship leader. We were brief acquaintances for a while and then we both ended up on a missions trip to Nigeria with a group of about 20 other students and interns from Rhema. Without going into all of the details we hit it off and after a couple of years of exclusively dating we decided to get married.

Divorce was not a word that had ever even crossed my mind. Being a Christian I was taught that divorce was a sin and that when I got married God would guide me to the person that was to be my soul mate, making divorce a situation that I would never have to deal with.

My relationship with my ex-wife started strong and quickly deteriorated. We decided to move to Ohio and start a church together. I had a mentor who had a church within a near by city who I admired greatly, and my ex and I had moved there in hopes to build something up close to people that we valued and trusted. My ex also had grown up in Ohio so it seemed like our best bet once we graduated.

Throughout the course of 10 years we had started a church and had three children. The problem lied within the fact that I was unable to be successful in bringing people into my church. The most we ever brought in were about 20 people.

Because we were not bringing anyone into our church we were making practically no money at all. To support my family and keep us on our feet financially I started selling insurance and working odd jobs. I began working 60-70 hours a week juggling my studies for weekly sermons, insurance sales, and physical labor. No matter how hard I worked or how much money I brought home my ex was never grateful. She constantly put me down and would be completely outrageous with accusations of things I won’t go into detail about. She never once got a job herself. Whenever I was home we were fighting. What little money I did bring home she would spend irresponsibly which only increased our problems.

Finally I decided to file for divorce and I’ve been divorced for a few months now. I still see my kids every other weekend, and because of a safety deposit box I started up when I realized that my ex couldn’t be trusted with money, I’m doing ok even though I still have to live modestly as usual.

I have no clue where to go from here as far as dating again. I want to have a wife that respects and loves me. I want a woman who will appreciate all of the effort that I put forth in a family situation. I don’t know what to do. I have no clue how to start dating again or where to start dating.

Does anyone have any ideas for how I can go about meeting a good woman who will treat me the way a woman should treat her man? I’m at a loss and don’t know what to do to find love again. As of now love seems like something that is unobtainable and this horrible turn of events in my life has left me questioning my faith.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By pastorbill57 (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member

Posts: 5
Registered: 09-25-2009

posted on 10-01-2009 at 09:53 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Hey Pastor Bill!

I think that its important to realize that no matter what you do in life it will never be perfect. To question your faith based off of how a woman treated you isn't smart. Believe in what you believe in and realize that God doesn't change the actions of other people. Unfortunately you have been hurt, but it isn't something that you can't stop from happening again. I know what your going through to an extent and I'm sure everyone else will agree with me when I say that divorce sucks.

I would say when your ready, start looking for a girl again that holds the same values that you do. Try to be a little more open minded this time and try to gaurd yourself better.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By Justdivorced1 (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member

Posts: 28
Registered: 01-06-2010

posted on 02-19-2010 at 16:15 Reply With Quote Report Post to Moderator
Take it easy

Pastor Bill, it won't really help you to just jump into dating or a serious relationship right now. If you have been in a relationship for ten years you need to take some time and find your individuality again. As you are in a relationship for a longer and longer period of time, you become accustomed to yourself as just part of a whole.

Many people who become separated or divorced tend to have that same immediate reaction of feeling like dating is impossible. Honestly, it is probably close to impossible right away. going on a successful date right after a major break up or divorce will only make your personal, mental situation more cloudy.

Now is a perfect time to think about and analyze yourself. Think about who you are and who you actually want to be. Start taking up the hobbies and passions you might have let disappear from your life. Begin making friends without the intention of a romantic relationship. Simply try to enjoy your life at the moment and you will find that the right woman can come along any time, anywhere. Once you know you are ready to start seeking a relationship again, there are many different options you can go with. Nowadays, with technology, you can meet people from all over the world right from your living room. Again, taking up hobbies and activities will bring you to meet new people as well.

I understand why you might let this type of situation affect your faith, but isn't part of being faithful being tested? If it was easy to believe, it wouldn't be faith. If your beliefs are strong, the fact that you are questioning them will only make them stronger. Also, remember that God gave people the ability to choose; God doesn't choose for us. Just because you are disappointed in a person doesn't mean you should lose faith in God.
View User's Profile E-Mail User View All Replies By XO_stepdad (only searches replies by default, for topics please run another search) U2U Member
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